Finding Clarity in the Midst of Challenge

In the midst of challenge, many of us disconnect from our emotions as a way of coping.  Mistakenly believing that emotions equate to weakness and unpredictability, we are left struggling under the illusion that there is such a thing as a purely rational decision (Nicholas Janni). 
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​If you find yourself responding to challenging moments and difficult emotions by keeping busy or not wanting to talk about your feelings, you are in good company. Research shows that most people don’t believe that putting words to their emotions will actually help (Sarah Peyton). As Josh Freedman, CEO of Six Seconds (the global emotional intelligence community) shared with us recently in a Six Seconds Global EQ Webinar, even he has moments like this.  
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​And yet we know from personal experience and the research that when it comes to emotions, nothing could be further from the truth. When we deny our feelings, particularly in difficult and challenging situations, we miss what they’re trying to tell us. Emotions are data and as Susan David, author of Emotional Agility and a psychologist at Harvard Medical School reminds us, they are signposts pointing to the things that are important to us, to our values. The very things we need to guide us in the midst of challenge, uncertainty and overwhelm. The very things we need to show up for ourselves “with courage, curiosity and self-compassion” (Susan David). 
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​That recent Six Seconds Webinar was devoted to practicing emotional intelligence skills and exploring what happens when we pause, and notice our feelings, and enquire into what it is they are attempting to draw our attention to. We spent an hour exploring this topic and sharing our experiences. I left the webinar profoundly touched by the experiences and insights fellow participants shared about the difference that learning and practicing emotional intelligence had made for them.  It was a powerful reminder that:
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• “No matter how scary emotions may sometimes seem, if we allow ourselves to process and metabolize them, they will invariably take us to a good place” (Hilary Jacobs Hendel).
• “When we create space to attend to our fears, sadness and frustrations, our defensive strategies soften. We become more accepting, more compassionate, more embracing of ourselves and the world. And then, a portal to new ideas and solutions invariably opens” (Nicholas Janni).
• Emotions are powerful guides, pointing us toward what we need to do to heal old wounds and feel more effective and happier in our lives.” You could even say they are “a pot of gold constituted of resilience, clarity and improved capacity to know what we need in a way that can inform our actions” Hilary Jacobs Hendel). 

​I thought you might like to have access to this powerful practice.  You can use this activity yourself as part of a self-reflection and journalling or you could do this with a friend or colleague and share your responses with each other. The experience of “naming what is happening not only works to calm us down; when it is done with a caring other it can also create relationships of warmth and trust” (Sarah Peyton).

Process Outline

1. Think about the emotions related to a challenge you are currently experiencing. What are some of the feelings you are experiencing?  Name at least three.

2. Think about your emotions as friends that are asking you questions, inviting you to go deeper, attempting to help you see what is going on in your life and supporting you to respond appropriately. 

Pick one of the feelings you have identified. What is one question that feeling is asking you?

• To help you get started, here are some of the questions we came up with in the group I was part of:
• Frustration – what need do I have that is not being met?
• Dread – what am I afraid of? And what is being asked of me, that I am not willing to do?
• Fear – what is it that you fear you don’t have and are afraid is being called for in this situation?
• Anger – what do I care about that feels like it is under threat?

3. Share the feeling you have chosen and your question with your friend or colleague if you are in a conversation or if you doing personal refection write about your experience in your journal.

​4. The next step is to explore the question you have come up with and the feeling you selected a little further by selecting a picture, an image or an object that represents that feeling for you. 

​You may have images or objects around you that you can use for this reflection. Or you could select an EMO monster from Six Seconds EMO monster cards (you can download the cards here  SEL DAY | Trello . You will find the Emo Monster cards in the Pop Up Festival SELDAY resources on pages 7 to 14). Or, if you would prefer a photo and don’t have any, you could browse for an image on sites like Unsplash or Pixabay for a picture that you feel represents the feeling you’re exploring.

5. Now that you have your image or object - visualise the feeling asking you a question.  As you do this, notice how this affects you. What changes as you engage with your emotion? How does your relationship with the emotion change?

6. Share your experience with your friend or colleague or write about your experience if you’re journalling. 
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​Here are some of the thoughts participants in the workshop shared about the difference that learning about and practicing emotional intelligence has made for them:

• “Before, I was not aware of my tone or body language. Now I talk less and allow room for the experience.”
• “I am able to be more intentional and better able to harness the wisdom that comes from connecting with my emotions.”
• “I think I’ve got a whole lot smarter. Amazingly, my emotions were there all the time. And now I feel them.”
• “I was unsure and in a place of great uncertainty in my life. Connecting to my emotions has encouraged me to honour my feelings.”
• “I am more compassionate these days and I’m much more careful when telling other people not to fear something, or not to worry.”
• “Having inner conversations with an emotion for me is like a meditation. It is like being an observer. I used to struggle to do this. Now when I have a conversation with one of my emotions, it is like having a conversation with someone else.”
• “Identifying what is going on for me and asking the emotion I’m experiencing – what is the path forward for me? When I do this, I have an answer.” 
• “I’m more embracing of myself and of life. I’ve slowed down and am less judgemental of myself.”

Conversations like this allow us to experience the questions our emotions are asking of us. They help us make friends with our emotions and provide us with perspective, one of the many gifts our emotions provide.
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If you want to learn and practice emotional intelligence, I know no better place to start than with Six Seconds. Six Seconds offers an incredible array of tools, courses, and free webinars related to emotional intelligence and a global community of emotional intelligence practitioners you can become an active part of. Why not start by checking out their offerings and sign up for one of the upcoming webinars. You will find them here:  6sec.org/webinars.

References

David, S.2017, Emotional Agility – Get Unstuck, Embrace Change and Thrive in Work and Life, Penguin Random House, London, UK.

Jacobs Hendel, H. 2018, It’s Not Always Depression – A New Theory of Listening to Your Body, Discovering Core Emotions and Reconnecting with Your Authentic Self, Penguin Random House, London, UK.

Janni, N.2022, A New Paradigm for 21st Century Leadership – Leader as Healer, LID Publishing, London, UK.

Peyton, S. 2017, Your Resonant Self, Guided Meditations and Exercises to Engage Your Brain’s Capacity for Healing, 2W.W. Norton & Company, New York, USA.